1-What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant
2-Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
3-A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
4-Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
5-What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
6-What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
7-A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
8-Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
9-How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
10-Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
11-If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
12-Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
13-If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
14-Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.
15-I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
16-I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
17-Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
