1-I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
2-ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
3-Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
4-Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
5-Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
6-Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
7-A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
8-I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
9-There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
10-What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
short sms jokes
11-What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
12-I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
13-A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
14-Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
15-What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
16-Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
