Showing posts with label Valerie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Valerie. Show all posts

Valerie Intervenes

VALERIE, HOUSEWIFE FRENCH-MANICURED BOUFFANTED CHINA WHITE HEROIN PRODUCER AND TRAFFICKER EXTRAORDINAIRE IS GIVING ADVICE TO POOR ANNA GRACE IN MIDDLE AMERICA. ANNA IS IN LOVE! HERE'S THE NEWS:

January 27, 2011 6:09 PM
Valerie said...


Anna Darling

Are you sure you want a photo of that motherfucker? He's ugly as sin. Turned up to our halloween party I said "oh what an imaginative costume!" as I irritably answered the door (presses the doorbell 300 times in 2 mins that one) then the bastard points to this enormous sports bag and says "nah this is just me, costume's in here" and it was. I had in me violet contact lenses so I couldn't see clear but it was him. Ugly as fuck, you know!

Now babes what is wrong with you? Obsessing over that idiot in London. I'm sending you over 2 pots of dilaudid so you can forget all about him. I know you prefer the lovely neat stuff my drugs lab in Western Aus cooks up. This one's particularly yummy. I've got some weirdo Panda Brand heroin I'm trying to get rid of. This one "makes everything look sparkly" and gives severe diarrhoea. Do you know anyone who'd like a couple of keys. I know 2kg is barely worth couriering over but seriously I could do with every penny I can get at the moment.

Locked up in this dive, it's awful. Ho Ling's in a piss with me. It's to do with her vagina-cum-stashbox as usual. She wants more and more of that yummy 999 Brand we're currently on. Double UO Globe's out till your Mr Kim's finished doing his job on that 100kgs brown.

Magic Monkey is going like wildfire across the north of this country. Rabbit brand, that's the crap. We send that to Tasmania. They're all crazy down there anyhow. New Zealand is currently on Stripper Brand. Stripper is a new one I invented with Ho Ling's legs in fishnets. I spent ages sketching the artwork before passing it to me lawyer. My lawyer is the only legal representative I know who also arranges artwork on 1.4kg heroin bricks!

Now where was I going with this. Oh that scummy Gledwood. Please darling be careful with that one. There's more to that muddy puddle than meets the eye, I'm sure of that. He's only fun on drugs or that potty mental condition of his.

Oh shit I've got to go, Ho Ling's bashing Trish over the head with a dinner tray. Must I play headmistress every day?

Screws don't mind me using the Blackberry at dinnertime now. Everybody knows I'm Queen B in here so I walk along using me mobile phone in front of everyone, slap Lynn, our Pocket Warder on the arse and call the Governor "Darling". The girls think I'm wonderful!

Oh shit, really gotta go. Ho Ling's just done Trish with a fork and there's blood...

... take care baby. Keep away from scum!

Val

XXXXXXX

Valerie's Prison Diary

AUSTRALIA'S "CRUELLY IMPRISONED" HOUSEWIFE CHINA WHITE QUEEN, major supplier of Heroin to all of Down Under including New Zealand, has been tapping those blackberry keys in the direction of Anna Grace, her "partner in international narcotic crime"! Part of what she's doing is thanking Anna for a 6-kg "loan" of Colombian White Heroin. Here's the jizz:~

Valerie said...
Anna, Sweetness

Are you seriously after a bare-ass spanking? Me with my pingpong bat? Post some new revelations from the Dark Side of the Gear Spoon.

Listen honey you're doing that poor little mite Gledwood's head in here. Every fucking message that tosser writes comes up on MY blackberry now how wires got that badly crossed I haven't a clue, now it won't stop chirping at me all hours like a deranged cicada!

Well it's all news from here in Sydney Women's Punishment Centre. We're being punished so severely we're off our tits on China White and Crack. Constantly. At least I am, as I'm the Fucker in charge here.

Ho Ling is Dealer to the Stars. She actually shots the deals out. Fat Trish holds on to a lot of shit that isn't stored in Ho-Ling's filing cabinet of private parts. Do you know she even seems to have BOOK SHELVES up there..??! You say "listen honey, here's the gear, here's the crack, here's the sleepers, here's the whacko stuff (got in a few designer drugs to perk up our Dull as Dishwater evenings)... say "oh Sweetness, 2 pieces H, one crack, a rohypnol and a Blue Mystic and there they are before you can say "cockadoodle-do!" she's produced 'em from her "tuppence". That's what me old ma used to call me private parts when I was little. Ho Ling can carry several million units of LSD from a minor European country to here in that Wonderworld of hers, but she's very angry I even suggest the idea so THAT one's out (till Ho Ling's desperate for a year's constant supply China White heroin + yummy coke!)

Now Baby on to your shit. Honey you're back using again; shit happens.

Are you really unhappy about it? Or just unhappy being slammed for telling us?

January 24, 2011 6:54 PM

Valerie said...
That might make a one of those delicious posts of yours. Your attitude to heroin. Mine goes: take as much as you possibly can each and every day. Life's too short. Cracked off ya tits feels wonderful. Which is why when I'm at home with Brucey the little darlings actually live in a separate dwelling next door with their Chinese nanny. Takes the stress off our constant piping if ya know what I mean.

Plus it gives us REALLY WELL EDUCATED kids: they're fluent in Chinese!

Barely speak a word of English, mind. Chinese they can do marvellously well. So the future of Double UO Globules for future generations of Australian fuck-ups looks pretty wonderful.

Thanks for the six kilos Colombia's best Poppy Power. I'll reimburse ya with 10 units 999 or Double Lion, take ya pick. 10 units is seven keys so I'm giving you one extra honey-buns.

Your Mr Kim is doing extraordinarily well, pottering innocently about in that minefield-protected hut, humming incomprehensible Singaporean Chinese pop songs as he effortlessly transforms dodgy H3 into yummy A Grade China White Heroin!

I've had a little taste. A few tastes even and darling: Best Batch we've had in ages!

Thank you so much.

And re that $25 million US don't worry. I'm 17 million euros better off thanks to a little scheme I'd better not get too into here. Something to do with an Ecstasy Factory in a former Soviet Republic making an absolute fortune for ME ME ME ME ME!!!

They don't call me Queen of E for nothing (let alone China White!!)

Now I'm off for fucking lunch with 3 bitches who hate me. Something to do with my having gone for one with a certain sawn-off domestic implement and having told the other two they'd wait for later.

The Governor's being Real Nice to me these days since that half mil US in bribe dollars hit her offshore account. Finally the bitch is stressing less. Less stress for her means less stress for me. She's even letting me browse the old WWW from her swivel chair when she's home for the night (which is a sadly late hour, often past 10pm since the sad fucker hasn't a life).

Now Anna post some delicious details of your funky life. For me. For that fucker Gledwood if you have to. For yourself to "say where you've been" as Gledster puts it. (Been in too much counselling that one: know that bullshit when I hear it.)

Now on with the story Sweet Pea. On with the story. On on on.

WE'RE WAITING!!

xOxOxOx

January 24, 2011 6:54 PM

From one international narcotics trafficker to another

VALERIE: "RESPECTIBLE" BOUFFANTED FRENCH MANICURED HOUSEWIFE SUPERSTAR DRUG SUPPLIER has been in touch with Anna Grace, her "international narcotics smuggling" friend. Here's the highly confidential prison email:


Valerie said...
CONGRATULATIONS on being back on drugs baby!

Anna my darling, I know you pull this piss-poor act so we all don't know your heiress lifestyle you actually pay for by international heroin importation (she supplies NYC with Colombian White Heroin the cow! Anna and I have come to blows. Rather gunshots between rapidly driving past cars) once or twice. Now we're best buddies.

Anna Baby could you see it in your heart to send us a coupla keys BEST QUALITY.

Thanks darling. I'll pay ya soon as this prison thing's sorted out.

Brucie's dealing dealing dealing away China White to Sydney, Melbourne, Perth, Darwin, Wellington and Christchurch and everywhere in between. In other words that's all of Australia and New Zealand.

But we fell out big time over a little genital warts issue. As you might know.

That FUCKING BITCH DOWN THE MILK BAR.
That scummy cow. Now they're popping out here there everywhere!

Ho Ling seems to like them; something to nibble on. But that's her thing.

Me, I want them GONE!

See ya later baby. High on crack, me! Off me tits on China White!!!!

Out of the punishment block BACK TO REALITY

yeah baby!!!

PS explain how i can be on china white yet need your best colombian later. it has to do with me getting one up on that Bastard Bruce

take it EZ and don't wait too long to do something about rehab (if you're into that SHIT!!!!!)

January 20, 2011 11:39 PM

Hot News

Valerie my Australian non-pregnant non-bigtime heroin dealer (so she claims, now she got busted with 700 keys) non-friend has this to say from prison in Sydney. Got hauled however many 100 miles out of her own home by "crooked customs" (as she calls them) that woman calls everyone a crook bar herself!!

Here's her latest:

Valerie said...
Well dearie, it's me again from PRISON in Sydney. Fucking police. 700kgs of Finest Double UO Global China White. Seized!! And they are trying to pin it on ME!!
If you're wondering how I'm emailing this from prison, let me tell you when you have the funds we have, even though we pay fucking monstrous bills to get them washed as legit ~ anything is possible. I am thoroughly stoned off my box in here. They don't call me China White Queen for nothing. I paid off the bitch in charge of previous supplies. Now the neat shit's coming in. Bitches ODing left, right and centre!!
Well this is going to sort itself out in some costly way, I feel the loss of a 17 carat blue diamond coming on. Thank fuck we have those 44 keys stashed in the old back garden! O fuck did I really say that. Off me tits on crack, babe. Don't know what I'm really saying. Crack city in here tonight, baby!! Mama's home!!!!
Those bitch-girls love me in here. I'm their smack-mammy they never had. Oh they fucking love me gorgeous and you wanna take a look at me no make up shit light after starting out at that jailhouse/brothel/whatever the fuck I don't WANT to remember in Pnom Pen in 1956 would you believe!! That makes me quite successful in my own eyes.
Those peasants would be out of a job and growing useless wheat/corn/barley/crap if it weren't for me!!
Well I gotta go. Screws on me case for smoking cigar behind govenor's desk, hogging computer for too long. Got so much news to spill, just wait for my next one. I'll give the lowdown on what bitch is doing what to whom, if you want it. O shit gotta go. FUCKING SCREWS

vv v

Me/Valerie/etc

I still have not slept. The trip to the chemist to get methadone was the all-time pits with people swearing and spitting. Only way to deal with it was remind self it is called "paranoia" and not real. But that's not easy. My mind is still tripping out, everything sounds incredibly loud. People on the street do my head in. I still hear voices words coming from everywhere. I have stopped worrying that I am losing my mind and trying to have fun with it. It is a bit like free drugs. Still there are dinnerplates and bottles and glasses everywhere. I mention this because anyone who's been genuinely suicidal will know instantly what these items can very quickly be used for. But I don't feel depressed I just feel weird. I am trying to blame it on bad heroin, but am not at all sure that is true. I actually rang the nuthouse earlier. First thing I mentioned was the drugs, I'm not hiding that one. I asked whether anyone has menttioned trippy stuff in heroin he said no. And there is the place they would know about it if geaer was sending people crazy. If anything I think what's doiong it is NO GEAR. I have been self-medicating for years (not my expression, drug clinic came up with that one) and now I'm not self-medicating and methadone is just a hopeless replacement for heroin. I'm only not complaining about it because I am so fed up of drugs of all kinds I never want any more ever again. Including sleeping pills even though I can't sleep and I know 3 people who would give me them. I have never been the type by the way to take 4 or more downers at once and spend the evening hanging off a lamppost. I only ever used them to sleep.

Anyway subject change. I haven't got a photo of her, bc she's an international narcotics trafficker, wanted in 46 countries. But meet Valerie, who comes from St Kilda in melbourne. (Is St Kilda even v posh? I have no idea. I just made Valerie's house enormous.)

The Anna in question is Anna Grace in Wisconsin, who Viv desperately hopes knows a good heroin chemist to turn the next crop of Burmese poppies into top grade shit!

Val said...
Hi Babes Melbourne here. I have a 700kg delivery of that lovely Burmese white sugar coming through Sunday evening. Should come in at Sydney Harbour on a North Korean registered ship at around 1800 hrs. So I'll be getting me spoon out in readiness for a fresh new batch. The shit we're on at the moment is, quite frankly, stale. I know what orifices it has been in, whose they were and for how long. And yet still I'm banging away at it like crazy. As for the baby, guess what that was? Gall bladder problems!
Now I MUST HAVE A MOAN about the police. Have they nothing better to do than harrass innocent housewives like me? There I was driving down the lane, taking my 8 and 12 year old (don't know whose the 12 year old is, but he ain't bruce's that's for sure. Bruce has strawberry blond hair and blue eyes. This kid looks African! I said oh it must be a genetic throwback as I'm partially Australian aboriginal, and he bought it! Plus a 17 carat blue diamond sparkler for me neck. We were doing real well on the China white back then. Importing tonnes of the stuff. Those kids out there in Sydney and Melbourne go crazy for the stuff. I'm not that into it meself. Only do an eighth a day me. Which isn't much when you know there's still 44kg we haven't bothered to fish out of the fuel tank on the rusty old tractor back at our farm (near Perth, Western Aus, lovely place to bring up the kids. Only Bastard Bruce, always after a Brucey Bonus (got that one from shit british tv we get imported in on cable. Sell shit, you buy shit. Law of the jungle, darling.
Now Anna my dear I know you are well connected, tell me where can I get one thousand metric tonnes of acetic anhydride? I nead it real quick.
Those peasants will be scraping away at those weeds in not too long! Would you spend all day in the long hot sun just so some bastard in Western Aus or wherever could get high? I wouldn't. Keep it for meself, I would. Apart from that 44kgs which had fucking better be where they're supposed to be, or there truly will be trouble I proomise you that. Apart from that we've barely 80g left and that has to last me and Bruce possibly into next week if those North Koreans get lazy. Ukk. How bad can life get.
Anyway I was having a rant at the police dear wasn't I?
Yeah, just driving merrily along. Delivering the little sweeties to school. Having a nice pipe on crack behind the wheel, as you do, when some bastard pulled me over. At first I thought he thought it was a mobile phone! Gave me a real talking to about "drinking at the wheel" I never said "darling that was crack cocaine you just saw" me head was really whooshing there was a good $20 worth of Bolivia's best on that pipe. Surprised I ccan drive at all the amount I smoke.

December 4, 2010 12:19 AM


Val said...
I'm not a crackhead though. Don't they work in whorehouses and stuff. O yeah I used to. O ho hum. Shit happens. Well assuming this shipment comes in OK and you can sort out this Mr Kim/whatever the fuck he's called. Long as he's Chinese and can turn a China White he's for me. Tell 'im to bring 7 tonnes hydrochloric acid, 7 tonnes ethyl alcohol 7 tonnes ether. We have a big batch to stir up in those there hills!
By the way we have 12 brands going at present. As well as the Double Uo Globular, there is Panda, 999, 5 Star, Magic Monkey, and rabbit brand. Did the design on that one meself. Two rabbits howling at the moon with some shit in Chinese going down the side. Got it from a Chinese takeaway menu. Aparently it means number 26 with fried rice.
Anyway rabbit brand means it's real crap. Double Lion's (aka UOGlobe's the best). Am I giving you an education in China white here? I wanted to launch a new one called Herpes Brand "keeps coming back" but Bruce doesn't approve. Possibly because we both have it.
Honestly you would not believe the amount of emailing we have to do just to secure ten tonnes of illegal narcotics from Burma to here!
I hope the police aren't reading this. Surely they have better things to do. Knocked at the door the other day to inform me I'd left an upstairs window open and did I know, what with the spate of recent thefts and all (bastard junkies, doncha hate 'em!) Long as the fucking heroin's where it should be everything's OK. Anyway must dash. More crack to pipe before another fucking school run. Oh no because it's Saturday. Thank God for a day off!!
Anyway you get your Mr Kim here pronto and I'll get ya a big pot of neat dilaudid, how does that sound. I also manufacture that and that oxy shit those Americans are into. Oh sorry you're American. Scuse me French. I'm Australian, that's all. Well I must dash. Police at the door AGAIN. What do they want this time?!!
 
Penyamun