So another night

SO ANOTHER NIGHT WITH NO SLEEP. Just found out a good one. The more pacing around I do, the higher I feel. Really brings me up. So no more lying in bed knowing I won't fucking sleep for me!! Ukh. Still in hallucinatory state if that is the expression. Psychiatrists and their mumbojumbo can all go to hell. When I get to see one, which I will ensure hapens Monday I will give the fucker the hardest time possible. In fact the way I feel I might actually top meself before I get in there.
O my mind my head is just racing around and will not stop. Is this sanity??
The bullshit the idiot at the nuthouse spouted at me was true gobshite. That £5 crack could in any way be responsible for this. Message for other lost mental health fuckers: get real. If people have symptoms PREDATING drug use by decades, going back to childhood (depression) and otherness (20s) that was technically after I'd tried a lot of things but if that makes me undiagnosable then so is about another 50% of the population my age.
At my worst I was feeling so fucking desperate I will not go into detail. It will only upset people \i care about. Just fucking crazy shit. Out of my brains. Stuff that gets people in the papers. Ukh. How can that even cross my mind.
And why did people tell me about being horribly sexually abused? As children and adults (raped/etc). All this stuff is stuck in my head and oozing out. Not good.
Dont go t taking this rant too literally i'm just sleep deprived. how on earth it is possible to feel so good/bad at the same time i do not understand but i do ho ho ho.
free father xmas drugs. i'm demanding a piss test on monday. that i do myself. they can do what they like with their bit. drink it if they like. probably would the perverts.
fucking idiot mental health drug workers why do i even have to think about such a corrupt system? that gives no choice and cares not one jot for how people actually feel.
i have gone past wanting heroin. but lots of people haven't. so give them heroin. put an end to all the crazy madness right now. just shut up and do it. and make it easy to get on and off. don't give it to a tiny select few or they'll never wanna come off it, because they will think they will never get it back.
just use some basic common sense for once and maybe actually listen to what someone who has been there has to say instead of relying on frankly unsympathetic/cruel observations from 1940s medical books.
ok rant over. had to rant about something. spinning in every direciton possible. free drugs. i'm convinced i got somehow spiked with crack now fucking high has a kite!!! for free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't get too envious you crazy fuckers out there. i was seriously suicidal not much longer than 2 hours ago

look i gotta go. know i probably shouldn't post this but what the fuck
i'm ok and don't worry about me.
no heroin!
no heroin!
never planning on ever taking it again

hey i just ate something for the 1st time in God knows how long. was seriously starting to feel nauseated from lack of food, which made me not want to eat. and there was black hair growing out the side of the can, i ate it cold out the can, tinned soup. not in mood for cooking of any kind. my eyes hurt
i don't feel as bad as i did at the worst of it maybe i am finally coming down
all i want to do is sleep, i have not slept AT ALL since ... whenever it was