I SAW A NUTNUT DOCTOR. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. He read the long, convoluted (& contradictory) history of all the things that have happened to me, all the things I have done...
He said giving out meds is probably not going to be the best line of treatment (hurrah! because I wouldn't take them anyway!!)
Then he said all these problems are probably down to some personality warping of mine (of course he didn't use the word warping)... I was wondering what on earth he meant....
Then my mind turned to Mr Man (the one who gave me the mephedrone) who chucked himself in front of a tube train some months ago. This man, I suspect, probably "presented" (as they like to say) in quite a similar way to me. Ie he was able to put on a convincing act of happiness, or at least personability (he was very personable and likeable) ~ while at the same time taking meds (in the end) for bipolar disorder.
Now his diagnosis was not "bipolar" at all, but borderline personality disorder and what did stick in my mind was that he said that he thought I had this thing as well.
The "borderline" of borderline personality disorder refers to a supposed border (in 1950s thinking) between "neurosis" and "psychosis". People who have this condition tend to be very neurotic, but are apt to flip over into (usually brief) psychotic states in times of extreme stress or crisis...
So I wonder, in trepidational fear, whether this is what the nutnut doctor had in mind.
I certainly hope not!
If anyone wants to read so-called diagnostic criteria of this "condition" you can click on the wikipedia link I gave earlier... I couldn't help but notice "impulsivity" was given as a hallmark feature ~ I would say no I'm not impulsive at all. Quite the opposite. But substance abuse counts as one mark against and binge eating/starving as another 2 marks and I've done all 3. And I never told Dr Nutnut (or the nurse who wrote the report) anything about the food...
Also this condition/diagnosis is not mutually exclusive ~ ie you can have it and 1, 2 3 or more other nutty conditions... isn't life wonderful??!?
Counselling Directory's borderline symptoms roundup
