Anything with twisting, turning or unexpected content had me rapidly lost. I got taken to the clinic by my druggie worker for being so out of it I couldn't follow him. Within half an hour I was repea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea peating words urds urds that didn't belongongongongongongongongongongongongong together and causing havoc in the waiting room where I couldn't help noticing three other people at the opposite pole. I did try and be considerate. I went exploring through double doors and ended up in a private room making abstract musical noises because that's what I was thinking.
I've not gone to NA. NA will have to wait. Sitting in a room full of poeple who believe I'm on drugs when I PROVED IT THIS AFTERNOON WITH A URINE SCREEN. Nothing but methadone. And benzos I don't remember taking.
I did keep wondering whether E and LSD were in my system, because this card didn't test for them. And acid, with it's quarter of a milligram blow-your-head-off speciality always used to be hard to test for.
The best thing to happen, bar causing havoc and breaking into an empty office and pretending to fly on a swivel chair was staring into a blank wall and watching the most amazing movie unfold in silvery-blue and psychedelic rainbow colours. The view behind my eyes was amazing. The lights in the psychiatric car park are particularly good. I think somebody deliberately added purple, green and yellow tinges to various ones just for manic people. Yes I was talking extremelyfast and according to my interviewer constantly derailing topic. I thought I was speaking quite reasonably. I also thought I was totally rational and normal until I got so euphoric I just could not stop cackling my head off.
The doctor seemed to think viewing "hallucinatory" voices as free entertainment was healthy not pervy. As I demanded to know. I expressed a lot of things LOUDLY AND VEHEMENTLY!!!!
But I'm home now. I mentioned not wanting to be sectioned only about 228,375,496 million times.
Akh I've got to go beddybyes now. I noticed myself coming down during the interview as when I first indulged in some ingingingiinginginginging I could not stop stop op op op op op for quite a few seconds sponge. among ung ung ung ung ung ung!! Then I could do it but not stop it (with the dr.) now I can't even utter syllables that first. I didn't stop moving nearly the entrie time I was there and noticed they gave up on getting me to sit during the interview. I was too hyper.
It was thinking in musical noises and clangangangangangs that bothered me, even as I came out of that most intense phase. I know I visibly frightened one horribly self-indulgent shouting and crying girl in the waiting room and frankly consider her so selfish and self-centred (I heard her endless display of phone-calling) and frankly I don't care. Better be frightening than abused. Especially in a psych clinic. That's what I think.
If I had gone in I'd have made sure to get wrestled to the floor and needle-stabbed. Don't think that would have been too hard, the state I wsa in. I was more hyperkinetic (not necessarily more high) than any maniac I've seen admitted. But I only remember two. And one was clearly exhausted.
By the way the theme of METHADONE NOT DOING ANYTHING TO HELP MY MENTAL HEALTH BY SHOVING MOOD SWINGS OF BOTH POLES INTO THE OPEN repeatedly rose its head.
I don't think I was being questioned re schizophrenia. I can't remember what I'm to do as far too fractured attention span. They didn't think it at all unusual that I can write but not read online. Yeah I can read snatches, but ask me the gist of an entire post and I'm lost or speaking about something else entirely before I ever reach your end point.
Today it was my cling-clang over musicality that got me I felt like such a nutter while I was doing some of it. Felt nothing but the vibe at other times. Realized staff had just floated past me without my noticing (rather disconcertingly) at others... My head's still a bit all over the place.
Well I hope I get FAR MORE EUPHORIC and a little less hyper.
No sleep since I don't know when. Not since yesterday late morning if I remember right. If you're obsessive enough and wish to know: you check.
Interestingly despite my hyperactivity and hilarious mood i was markedly less paranoid then yesterday. And the voices were less intense. And far less intense than early December when as I said I couldn't tell the difference between thinking and hearing. I remember that. And being rather confused by it. I have been and still am confused by a lot of things.
I'm not raising the spectre of severe mental illness in an Narcotics Anonymous meeting. Really am not up for being misunderstood (by people who assume you can only get high on drugs) and/or judged by rooms full of people, no matter how well meaning.
Hope y'all are OK. :-)
I really should try and get some sleep. It's supposed to make you less manic. And probably more depressed. I expect. So I'm scared of sleeping, but need to do it.
